In case no one has heard, the Washington Post has really done an amazing job of blowing the lid off the fact that there are private contracting firms doing classified work for the government [now I wait patiently while the screams of terror subside] and yeah, it's just as fucking scary as all the alarmist assholes at the WP are making it sound. You could be in Subway, and there could be some dude in Subway standing with you in line, and he might be wearing combat boots. Because he's in the Army. But HE'S DRESSED JUST LIKE YOU. BUT HE"S STILL WEARING BOOTS BECAUSE HE"S WORKING IN CIVILIAN CLOTHES. RAMBO NEVER DID SHIT LIKE THAT!!!

Here's what I said to The WP's Crackerjack Writing Staff (it went straight to the trash I'm sure):

Wow. You guys are really laying it on thick. Good job characterizing everyone who's a contractor for the NSA as a secretive anti-social victim of Asberger's syndrome. You guys are more dramatic than the Spanish World Cup soccer team. I know you are all working hard to keep print media relevant so you can all keep your jobs, and I respect that. However, I suspect that if a contracting company released an expose that implied that reporters were somehow 'profiting off of bad news and overly dramatic characterizations of what is rather straight forward situations that are devoid of malicious connotations', you might say "Wow, government contractors are a bunch of assholes". There, you just looked in a mirror. What you are doing is slightly more accurate than yelling 'fire' in a crowded room just to get attention. Good job. "Ooooh! There are contractors! They work for the government! They can't tell us what they do! BOO! It's horrifying". What's sad is that whenever the American news media talks to the American public like they are 8 years old and learning the dangers of crossing the street, they respond in kind. I wonder what would happen if you were to treat everyone like they were intelligent people capable of rationalizing information and how it related to them in a mature manner. We will never EVER know the answer to this question, because it would cause 'news' like what you are peddling to be irrelevant. The psychological operations campaign you wage rivals anything that any government, including the current US Regime and even NAZI Germany, has ever or will ever be able to undertake. Again, good work. We're all fucking fascinated that there is classified information, classified facilities to keep it in, and people with clearances who work on it. Amazing. Good journalism.

Coffee grounds have been sitting in the bottom of this thing for weeks and I'm afraid to lift the plunger...

American Reporter: You're a highly respected scientist with very impressive credentials, and have a reputation for very practical solutions to the world's problems. Could you tell us, please, what you think the best approach to solve one of the largest environmental disasters to ever happen in the Western Hemisphere?
Russian Scientist: Drop atom bomb on it.
American Reporter: Really?
Russian Scientist: Yes, is not very dangerous, we do all time. We do for, maybe, $10 Million. You save bunch of money, we detonate bomb off US coast. Everyone win.

YES! Finally, after Kevin Costner, Bill Nye the Science Guy, and even Bono have all rolled out unhelpful, heartfelt yet crappy solutions, after BP tries throwing golf balls at it for seventy-some-odd days, after numerous references to haberdashery [which reminds me, I'm fucking insulted that BP and the EPA would resort to using buzz words to tell us that everything's alright, that they have the situation under control. 'Junk Shot', 'Top Hat', 'Mr. Bucket', and we just eat that crap up], someone tries to cash in by hatching an old-school mad scientist idea. An idea that's probably going to take off because it has all the elements in it that Americans love. Raw power, explosions, and a dude with a Russian accent making it sound like this is something that is done all the time. It's like having a red neck neighbor who offers to fix the trouble you are having with a squirrel in the attic. By burning down your house, salting the land so nothing will ever grow on it, and then forcing you to live next to a radioactive body of water. Somewhere in there I lost the train of my analogy but you smell what I'm cooking.
Look, we have a hole in the bottom of the ocean that's leaking one of the most potent pollutants at [blah blah blah, have you heard enough about it? You want some figures about how many swimming pools it could fill up a day or how many fat chicks it could be used to buttfuck?]. Hey! A couple of A-Bombs sure as shit worked in Japan. If this works, think of the precedent that will be set!

Aid: Mr. President, all the bald eagles are almost completely extinct.
President: Nuke 'em.
Aid: Yes, and there's a wildfire in California that we can't seem to get under control.
President: Nuke it.
Aid: One more thing, there are some American hostages that were taken by the Iranian...
President: Yeah, nuke that too [yawn] in fact, could you also nuke that ambassador from China? I'm supposed to meet him in, like, 10 minutes and I really wanna take a nap. If anything else comes up, nuke that too. See ya.

Maybe if a nuclear bomb doesn't work, we should try genocide or ethnic cleansing. Maybe the earth's trying to tell us something...

Woohoo! Bet that blew your mind! That wall goes up, he turns that light off, he brings down that wall and all those people are like "Whaaaa?", and THE PLANE IS GONE. Amazing! Bet they don't do shit like THAT on the Twilight Saga. Yeah, it was a magical decade. He made all kinds of shit vanish. People. Statue of Liberty. Mountains of cocaine. It was an amazing decade. We all watched David Copperfield do magic on TV, Michael Knight fought crime, and Gary Coleman (and to a lesser extent Webster) gave us a heart warming chuckle while pushing Nancy Regan's 'Just Say No' initiative. Yup... Them were the days. Yeah, I know! Where the fuck did the plane go? The camera was on it the whole time. Crazy. We'll NEVER know...

Everything you are doing right now is occurring in a finite and infinite range simultaneously- the only cause and end result are the faintest shifts in the position of energy. You have specially adapted sense organs that render clues from the movement of this energy into a complex story full of false leads and misconceptions constructed from specters and vapor, such as: motives, self in relation to the world, cause and effect, consequence, reward, social order and higher powers at work in and around our interests. These are basic elements of our perception of the world, which guide us as we act out the movement of energy from here to there. This perception is a ‘virtual universe’, extremely finite yet as large as we can cognitively perceive. With this virtual universe of our perceptions, all things are possible. Flight, acts of god, miracles, time travel, and anything else, as unbelievable as it sounds, will bring us no closer to rubbing against the bubble of the virtual universe.
Were we to step outside of the world of our cognitive perceptions, free ourselves from the tyranny of what our eyes and ears tell us, and how our brain interprets these clicks and pops, we would see that there is nothing. The entire purpose of all things within and beyond our universe is this slight movement of energy.
This is my explanation to you of how you are a being who eats food, drinks water, loves, sleeps, and works every day, and simultaneously you do not exist and are only a couple of particles generating friction, and in turn heat who’s radiation is absorbed into a large body that is unaware of you and unconcerned about what you think is going on. You are a slave to your thoughts, beliefs and convictions, and at the same time all these things are meaningless.
With the exception of these Kagan hearings. Holy crap, I heard she was trying to keep college students out of the Army! How fucked up is that? Oil spill oil spill oil spill celebrity gossip reality TV sitcoms.
Now go back to work.
 

That's it. If this decision isn't going to be changed, then every smart thing they did is about to be undone. Ugh. How could the media have this much impact on our government policy and staffing? Is Home and Gardens going to start weighing in on the Federal Interest Rate? This is all wrong.